So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
