Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
