Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
