Where is the hickey?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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