She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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