So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
