i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
