Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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