Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
