Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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