She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
