There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
