My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize