already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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