I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
