yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
