Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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