I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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