I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
