end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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