FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
