Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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