I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
