the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
