Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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