Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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