We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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