you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
