So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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