Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
