I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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