Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
