i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
