Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
