I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
