So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
