I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
