I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You took a bar mat shot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That accounts for only three of the penises
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
