It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm too high and old for this...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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