i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
