1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
