I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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