and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
