God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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