apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
