no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize