What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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