He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
