we have officially lost it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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