I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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