I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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