My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
