Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
