i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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