a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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