After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
