So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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