it's too hot outside to masturbate.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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