Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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