I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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