Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The Olympian is in my bed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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