I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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