the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
