Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
