Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
