Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
