You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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