My Higher Power is John Stamos
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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