i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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