Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
