Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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