I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
