I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
