she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
